Day 333. Survivors found: 6
This account of attachment therapy comes from a girl named “Renee.” It was told to me via e-mail; only minor edits have been made for the purpose of publishing in weblog format.
As of this day, Renee is the last survivor I’ve found.
…I think Elizabeth Randolph was the lady that came to torture me, but I’m still doing my research. It might come down to asking my “parents.” I don’t like thinking of them as my parents anymore…
I have to choose the right time to bring this out into the open with them. Because once I do, I really don’t think we will speak ever again, and that is OK with me. It just has to be at the right time. I can’t stomach them at all. It’s kinda complicated.
I have been in touch with [ACT Executive Director] Linda Rosa, what a great lady. It’s nice to know that there is somebody out there that cares about this and is standing behind us survivors. She has given me some good ideas, sent me a document that I can take to a lawyer and given me many names and pics of attachment “therapists” to help me pick out my tormentors. She seems like a very smart woman.
I will tell you my story, I wish I could remember everything but I will tell you as much as I can right now.
It was in the summer time, the summer before I entered the seventh grade. I was about 12 years old.
My adoptive parents came to me and said that we were going to go through a different type of therapy and that it would be intense. This in no way prepared me for the horror that I would endure during the two weeks of “blanket therapy.”
There were three of them. Two men and one lady. The lady was fat and sloppy, short hair, and I remember glasses. She had an East Coast accent, I will never forget her voice, I can still hear her clearly. A tall, medium-built white male, with fair skin and lighter hair, and a shorter but stockier male with dark hair and dark eyes, his eyes I can see in my mind, he was the more talkative of them, he seemed to be more of the leader in the group, he was definitely running the show. The other two were more involved physically than this one, they mostly did what he told them.
DAY ONE
My memory of the first time…the dark haired man asked me to get into the blanket after explaining that it was just a good way to feel safe when expressing angry feelings. I was kinda leery, I didn’t want to do it, but I still had no idea of the events that were about to take place.
I get into the blanket, they wrap me up. How did they do that? I was in there so tightly, I couldn’t move at all, only my head.
Once restrained they told me to start getting angry… Was this a joke? What did they mean “get angry?”
“I don’t know what you want me to do” I said to them.
“Get mad, it’s OK, you can’t hurt yourself or anyone else, just start screaming! Get angry!” he would say to me.
I think I laughed. “I can’t get mad about nothing, I don’t know what to do, or what to be angry about.”
This is when they proceeded to give me something to scream about and to be angry about. It started with the top of the blanket over my face. What the hell are they doing, I thought. I’m sure they will pull it back in a minute.
No, the blanket stayed over my face, and I couldn’t breathe. I was so hot, I was sweating. I was begging them to take the blanket off my face. Please!
They wouldn’t. They were mocking me… I couldn’t believe what was happening, and that my parents weren’t doing anything about it. Why were they trying to hurt me.
They said that they were helping me get my anger out…what? I remember the blanket being taken off my face and then back on, I don’t remember exactly when it was taken off, but there were times when I could see what they were doing.
The fair skinned man was down at my feet. He was rubbing my feet. It made me uncomfortable… He then proceeded to take his knuckles and rub really hard into the balls of my feet and they would cramp, oh it was painful, he did this for what seemed like hours, I had charlie horse cramps in my feet, he wouldn’t stop no matter how I begged, even when I got angry and screamed and fought with all that I could.
I sounded possessed. I remember the rage inside of me.
The dark haired man and the fat lady were pushing on my stomach, they were pushing hard. Why? I’m so sorry, I will do anything, I will love you I promise, I do love you, please don’t! Dad make them stop!
He just watched.
They were hurting my stomach. “I’m going to throw up!” I said.
“Throw up then” they said…and kept going. The blanket went back on my face.
DAY TWO
I came out into the living room, it was first thing in the morning, I hadn’t even eaten yet, I don’t know if I had eaten the whole day or night before.
I came out and sat on the couch. They were all there waiting for me to come out, the blanket was spread out onto the floor all ready for me, the cameras were on. I look at the TV and see myself on TV.
This can’t be real, another day of this? They told me to get into the blanket I said no I won’t, they said we can do this the easy way or the hard way, I really don’t remember how I got in there that morning but I did.
The fair skinned one lay right on the top of me, his face just a couple inches from mine. I’m terrified of what they will do.
I’m quiet, so the man laying on me says, “picture this in your mind, I’m a football player and I’m raping you, do you like it? Fight me off.” I felt something down there…this couldn’t be real, my parents were watching, they didn’t say a word.
I remember the lady screaming right up in my ear, just screaming and I couldn’t move, I couldn’t stop her, she was telling me things about my birth mother, things that I knew weren’t true, she was yelling them at me. I hated her.
They’d make me stare into the eyes of these people who were my “parents” and then into theirs for what seemed like hours.
I don’t know, the rest of this is all fuzzy, these are bits and pieces… I fought and struggled until I couldn’t anymore, I remember being so exhausted, I wanted to lay there and die.
For the grand finale, someone or more than one was holding this pillow over my face. This wasn’t like the blanket smothering, this was someone forcefully holding a pillow over my face… Our brown couch pillow, not the cushion kind, the decorative, it was big and hard.
My whole body was convulsing. They were trying to kill me… I knew I was going to die… I was fighting, fighting…there was no air, no air at all… I saw stars, I urinated and saw black, I was out.
I woke up in my adoptive parents arms, they made me lay there for quite some time staring into their eyes. My dad was kissing me all over and wouldn’t break eye contact, it was crazy after what had just happened.
They were there for a while after…oh yes my father took us all out on the boat fishing… They were watching me.
I knew I had to fake it, fake it all I could, I had to pretend I was what they wanted so I wouldn’t have to get back into the blanket.
More smothering, suffocation, yes and she did lick my face, no more of that…hurting my feet and stomach…did he say rape? They were so heavy…
…
In my memory these memories combine into about two-three days… I have no recollection of anything else that went on over the course of two weeks, maybe there is a reason I don’t remember the rest, but I’m trying to surface my memories, I want to know everything no matter how painful and frightening it is. I must overcome this, it has controlled me for so long.
A couple years later, I guess my “parents” thought I was not submissive enough so they had some other creep that wasn’t a part of my “therapists” team. He was somebody new, but from the same organization.
We all sat in the living room while he proceeded to tell me that if I didn’t shape up that he would personally take me with him to their headquarters in Colorado, to a room with no windows and they would perform blanket therapy on me until I learned from it…which would obviously be a long time.
I had to fake it. Oh I promise I will try so hard and be so good, you don’t have to take me.
He didn’t take me, I was safe. I think I had learned how to manipulate more than anything, but I had to in order to survive. I would be damned if this was going to happen to me again, I was 15 at this point, a little older, a little more aware. I wasn’t going back to that nightmare.
I know this is long and dragged out but I was just thinking and typing from the top of my head, so some of it might be jumbled, and might not make sense. Let me know. Yes, you have my permission to post it on your site, and you can edit it or I can if you want me to… I’m not the best writer though.
Well hope to hear back from you… Take care…
Your fellow survivor.
Interested in stopping this kind of child torture?
Here’s what you can do.
Please help us.
Comments 28
Dear Renee,
What can I say :( there are no words that can suffice to apologize for the moronic twisted perverts that did this to you, and that INCLUDES your Adoptive Parents.
Have you tried to find your First Mother ?
I will NEVER understand how any person can think that this type of CRAP (note I did not say therapy) is in anyway shape or form okay to do to another person let alone a child.
Do you know what I would love ? I would love this done to them for just 10 minutes and lets see how they like it
Im so so sorry that you went through this – no child should be made to suffer like this with the people that are supposed to protect them :(
Posted 26 Jan 2009 at 22:55 ¶I know the kind of strength that is needed to speak up about things like this, so I just want to thank you so much for sharing your story. I know that your doing so well help others.
Posted 27 Jan 2009 at 00:42 ¶Stay strong. You’ve made your way through the worst of it. Because of that, you know you can make it through the memory of it. *gentle, brief hug*
Posted 27 Jan 2009 at 00:49 ¶Thank you so much for sharing this. I didn’t comment yesterday when it was posted, because I was afraid of saying something stupid, and ‘thank you’ just sounded so trite. But I do appreciate you, people really need to read these stories, you writing about this is so important
Posted 27 Jan 2009 at 00:59 ¶Renee – thank you so much for sharing this.
I don’t really know what to say, except that I’m sorry that you had to endure something like this, especially so young. I can’t believe people can be so cruel…that this still continues. It’s insane.
I think you’ve done something very important by sharing your story, because I think as much as people may talk about how wrong AT/P is, it’s the children who have gone through it that will change minds. So thank you.
Posted 27 Jan 2009 at 01:48 ¶Renee,
thank you for your courage and bravery and strength to write out the truth and your story. While there are many things supporters of survivors can do to put an end to AT/P it is you and the other survivors who truly make that possible. You, survivors, are the driving force.
This will change, it has to.
Jean
Posted 27 Jan 2009 at 03:10 ¶thank you got taking the time and caring enough to share….
maybe some one some where will stop this
Posted 27 Jan 2009 at 03:22 ¶This is bloody awful! I can’t say how I feel about this, as I would have to fill the whole site with expletives, reading what they did to you just fills me with absolute rage!
You are so brave for speaking up, God bless you, and keep you strong.
Posted 27 Jan 2009 at 10:39 ¶No adult could honestly believe this was actually therapy. This was a group of criminals with a perfect excuse to ASSAULT their victims legally. I hope there is a way to prosecute every one of them, including the adopter criminals and then let the prison yard justice prevail.
Posted 27 Jan 2009 at 11:53 ¶Thank you for speaking up – the more people who know about what sadistic f**ktards do in the name of “therapy”, the easier it’ll be to put those charlatans in jail where they belong.
I can sort of understand (not condone or tolerate, mind you) how some people would stand by and watch – Zimbardo’s Stanford prison experiment is a stand-out example of the study of the psychology of following orders. It’s scary to think how strongly conditioned we all are to trust authority without questioning.
Posted 27 Jan 2009 at 14:03 ¶I am so amazed at your strength and braveness in telling your story. How inspiring. The more people like you spread awareness, I really hope it’ll provoke action to stop this torture.
You are an incredible survivor. Thank you.
Posted 27 Jan 2009 at 15:43 ¶You have done a courageous and compelling job in telling your story. For years I have known Attachment Therapists are the most sadistic quacks around, but the stories you survivors tell never fail to shock me. It’s a wonder you lived!
Thank you for writing this valuable account. Renee’s story is something to which activists, worried friends and frantic grandparents can point. I feel sure it will help save children from this dreadful therapy cult.
Attachment Therapy has, in large part I believe, managed to exist for decades because a lot of people have a hard time believing licensed mental health professionals, child welfare workers, and adoptive parents would band together to intentionally torture children.
The hardest information to dismiss are the videos and the first-hand accounts of those who have been injured. With Renee’s story and those of others who have come forward on this survivors’ site, there may be a chance of waking up the public about AT/P.
One of the most important things we concerned citizens can do is direct attention to these first-hand accounts on this blogsite.
For anyone interested, there’s background on the infamous Elizabeth “Liz” Randolph here:
Posted 27 Jan 2009 at 18:02 ¶http://www.childrenintherapy.org/proponents/randolph.html
Thanks for being brave and telling your story. I wish somewhere a lawyer would take your cases. These people do this because they are greedy. If the money is taken away they will not do this.
Remember that most people would have tried to stop this if they knew how. You are alive. And that is wonderful.
Posted 27 Jan 2009 at 20:46 ¶Renee,
Thank you for having the courage to share your experiences with AT/P. Your offering to us reminds me of the poem titled “Invictus.” The words are…
“Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.”
by William Ernest Henley
Renee, you are the captian of your soul. Again, thank you for being you and being brave.
Posted 27 Jan 2009 at 21:11 ¶Renee,
Thank you SO much for having the courage to tell your story.
Whatever doesn’t kill you can make you stronger.
None of this was your fault. Never doubt that.
Not only can you survive but thrive in spite of what was done to you.
Sincerely,
Ray
Posted 28 Jan 2009 at 01:33 ¶Hello. Thank you for telling your story. Hopefully stories like yours will wake people up & help stop this torture. I am sitting here in tears at my computer, honestly I never even knew something like this existed.
I hope you can find peace.
Posted 28 Jan 2009 at 06:31 ¶Oh yes- I believe it. I’ve heard too many horror stories myself-and lived some- that I have no doubt that these kinds of things happen.
Posted 30 Jan 2009 at 04:37 ¶I didn’t know about the attachment therapy until half a year ago perhaps. I was shocked and still am. I can’t believe it continues. It takes a lot of courage and strength to speak of what you’ve been put through. Probably the only thing I can do (not being the U.S. citizen) is to spread the word and let people know that something like this happens.
Wish you all the best!
Posted 31 Jan 2009 at 23:12 ¶Renee,
So sorry to read this story, but I do thank you for sharing. It is horrid that you had to go through this. I really do think that many, if not most of these “therapists” are sociopaths and narcissists who just happen upon their “ideal job”.
Take care.
Posted 01 Feb 2009 at 03:09 ¶Renee, I too am very grateful that you have shared your story. In telling it, you are making an enormous contribution toward stopping this horrible “therapy”. In telling your story you help bring the reality of it to light. So many that I have spoken to just cannot believe that AT is “really real” and that it is sanctioned by governments and professional organizations. Only by publicizing stories like yours, and those of (sadly) so many others, does there seem to be a chance of waking others up to the reality of AT.
Also, I agree with Lanie Petersen, above, that it is the “therapists” who are the socio/psychopaths here. They seem to use helpless children as objects on which to project their own inner demons. They are the ones who cannot “attach” to or “bond” with others (because they lack empathy). They are the ones who can inflict so much pain and suffering on others without a care. Many “parents” also fit here too!
Posted 02 Feb 2009 at 20:21 ¶Because of people like you, other children will be spared the torture. It’s wonderful of you to find the strength to speak out.
Posted 03 Feb 2009 at 00:35 ¶Renee, I think you are an incredibly strong and brave woman to share your story with us. You are an amazing person. Stay positive, and I wish you peace and good things. <3
Posted 03 Feb 2009 at 00:37 ¶My god. I’m so, so sorry. You are so brave to speak out. By telling your story, you are exposing this “therapy” for what it is: torture. You are a survivor and a brave and beautiful soul. I wish you peace and love for the rest of your days. May you never experience anything remotely close to this the rest of your life.
Posted 03 Feb 2009 at 02:18 ¶Sorry for the off topic Radish, but I just stumbled across this article.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/health/article5683671.ece
I thought you might be interested.
Posted 10 Feb 2009 at 04:19 ¶This is a great and brave thing you did. It would not have been easy trying to remember and writing it all out but you spoke up, and at great length and have strengthened this movement brought about by WR. Thank you for sharing, for being a part of this.
Posted 10 Feb 2009 at 22:07 ¶Renee, I am so sorry for what you had to endure. My adoptive mother did her own horrific brand of AT with me over 50 years ago to get me to forget my dead mother. This abuse must stop. You are a strong adoptee and a survivor. But more importantly, you are a warrior.
Posted 22 Feb 2009 at 11:37 ¶I know that this was posted a while back, but Renee, thank you SO MUCH for sharing. I find it difficult to lay out the various emotional and psychological abuse I suffered at the hands of my adoptive parents, when I didn’t even realise it WAS abuse until years later – I can’t imagine what it must’ve been like to write that email.
You are very brave, and I will pray for you, and everyone like you.
Posted 18 Mar 2009 at 00:40 ¶I’m so sorry that happened to you. Your parents were misled and the therapists were fly by night fraudsters. They should have been charged with child endangerment and fraud.
Posted 02 Nov 2009 at 15:51 ¶Post a Comment