A Search For Survivors

Day 215. Survivors found: 3

This is the English translation of the video transcripts for “Festhaltetherapie und ihre Folgen Teile 1 und 2″ (Holding therapy and its consequences Parts 1 and 2) with Ginger, my fellow survivor, who was first subjected to this torture at the age of three.

Original video interviews here:
Festhaltetherapie und ihre Folgen Teil 1
Festhaltetherapie und ihre Folgen Teil 2

PART ONE

Interviewer: You were diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome?

Ginger: Yes.

Interviewer: And as a child you experienced Holding Therapy (HT)? Just tell us, from your point of view, how it influenced you.

Ginger: Well, I remember it in a very negative way and for a long time I suppressed it and now I sometimes have flashbacks and it is very hard for me to deal with it, because it was a very bad experience for me. I try to deal with it, which is very difficult for me. My mother did the HT with me, because she thought it would be for the best I suppose. But since then, when my mother comes too close, I react irritably and this spoils our relationship even today and that’s probably the reason why it never worked out between us.

Interviewer: And now, in regard to relationships with other people, not only your mother?

Ginger: When I know other people very well and trust them, then intimacy is no problem for me; but when I don’t know them very well or don’t trust them and they come too close or touch my shoulder to comfort me or grab my arm, because they want me to stop or something, I can’t stand it and just want to flee from this situation and then I distance myself emotionally from them much quicker. That makes relationships much more complicated, but when I get to know people very well, then it’s okay for me.

Interviewer: I mean, this HT is very controversial and is being criticized by a lot of people, and there are also people who are calling it an act of violence or torture. What do you think?

Ginger: In my opinion it really is torture, because, I don’t know, because holding people against their will, although they might have not even done anything; just because they don’t like someone’s behavior, because someone doesn’t talk or acts strangely in their eyes. And then, at times even holding the children for hours, until they start to defend themselves and try to escape, and start crying, becoming desperate, finally stopping and resigning. I don’t know another word to describe it other than “torture,” because you get another person to give up on himself or herself; you break this person, you take away his last piece of dignity.
[Jirina] Prekop also approves of turning off the lights and keeping away any outside influences from the children (she also recommends Holding Therapy for wives). This was even worse, because looking out of the window was the only thing I could do in these moments. That was a piece of reality that remained for me, that kept me grounded and if you take everything from someone — I think, this is very, very hard. I mean, you wouldn’t put someone in a box and release him after a while — which was much the same situation for me.
Probably with HT it’s even more severe, as in the majority of cases it’s done by a person you trust (i.e. often the parents), someone the children deeply trust — this interferes with the child’s early development even more. If you can’t trust your parents — whom should you trust then? It’s your parents who you learn to trust first and then you go on with your environment. If this basic confidence fails, it is even more difficult to develop further confidence and to know, “the world doesn’t do me any harm. I can develop the way I want to, as long as it hurts nobody else.” I guess, this feeling is missing then completely. It’s not that they tell you, “okay, you should change these few things.” Like parents often do. This point of reference is totally taken from you. I don’t think that HT has had any positive effects on me.
It may seem that the children act in a more “normal” way, since they whinge less, they stop doing this or that; they make no more demands or whatever.
But, you always have to be afraid, as soon as you say something like, “But I like to do this and that” or “I want to stay here. I want to do something particular. I’d rather go see my friend,” or something else, that you have no right to do so, that it is enforced again, that you are maybe not eligible for it. And you were never shown, “you are precious the way you are.” And if it was shown, then it always was something contrary.
On the one hand this restraint, this violence that takes everything away from you until the very last bit, and on the other hand this love, this, “we really like you!” and everything, and this is what is hard to handle.

PART TWO

Interviewer: An autistic child that maybe can’t talk…

Ginger: A mentally disabled child maybe also can’t.

Interviewer: Yes. [They] have nearly no opportunity to express their disagreement. Did you resist at the time?

Ginger: Of course you resist, if you are held like this. I mean, this is not, like Mrs. Prekop always claims, a loving holding, where you just put the child on your lap and caress it or something, but it is a really a enforced pinning down, where every opportunity to move is stolen and taken from you. I can’t understand that it is seen as something which is right.

Interviewer: How long did you resist?

Ginger: I tried to get out of this stranglehold after a while… In the beginning I just tried to get out and then I started to scream, because I just wanted to get out, but nobody came to help me and it didn’t get any better by struggling, but rather got worse and it didn’t stop. I could resist as much as I wanted. I could try and try again to move. If I was able to move my arm a little, this freedom of movement was also taken from me until I just stopped moving at all. I then just stared into space for a while and then I was let go again.

Interviewer: Could you describe in one or maybe two sentences what the worst aspect of the HT was for you, or respectively what the worst is today?

Ginger: That the confidence in people you love is taken from you, because especially in my mother I had confidence. She is there for me, she protects me, she looks after me and so on. And this gets taken away from you and later also the confidence in other people too. Somebody touches you on the shoulder because he/she wants to comfort you or wants to say: “everything’s alright” or something else, or touches one’s arm or nudges you and then there is immediately such a fear, such distrust.
I mean, most victims of rape or people who are victims of other acts of violence usually don’t make it public and say, “hello, this was done to me!” or something like that. I think therefore you don’t hear so much from these victims.

Interviewer: Do you think that HT should be made illegal?

Ginger: I can’t understand how such a thing can be legal even in the first place. I think the problem is that it was approved of in the first place.

Interviewer: And when you envisage it or when you know that today it is still practiced, not only on grown ups, mentally disabled people, but even on autistic children, to have experienced it yourself and to have experienced it as a sense of trauma in a way, it must be very difficult, or not?

Ginger: Yes, because the faith in a good, fair-minded world is taken from you to a certain measure. It doesn’t matter if the children or the grown-ups are mentally disabled or autistic or something else. It doesn’t give the people the right to treat others unworthily.
The first article of our [German] constitution says: “Human dignity is inviolable.” And even this is taken. Human dignity is the highest property we have and everywhere you hear: We have human rights. We live in a free society. Everyone has the right to develop and to evolve their abilities and strengths so long as he or she doesn’t harm or constrain anyone. Human dignity is inviolable and then it is taken in stride and [HT] is even practiced today with grown-ups and with children. It doesn’t matter what they have and can or can’t do. In that case it is secondary if they are autistic or not. It is simply something terrible and you don’t expect it from a country that claims to be highly developed.
The possibility of experiencing a healthy development and gaining a basis and trust of others gets to be extremely difficult. Someone comes too close unintentionally, or nudges you because they want to say: “here, look at this!” or touch you on the shoulder and want to encourage you…and developing a relationship to others and having a trustful basis is thus very difficult.
You just feel harassed at the time and you know the others don’t even want anything bad from you. They don’t know anything about it. Sometimes you can’t really avoid those situations, you can’t sidestep and just want to leave. I don’t know if “black hole” is the right word. In that moment you just think about fleeing, just about getting out somehow and react totally scarred and then maybe irritable or something, and that is something the others then can’t understand at all. They just wanted to be nice and you are reacting just totally irritable.
But if this is a “black hole” for me? It is more… yes it is more like getting pinned down inside. It is more like a total inner cramping and not being able to get out of the situation.
Thanks a lot for listening and if you want to do something good for your children and want to help your autistic or mentally disabled children or grown-ups, then there are a lot of ways to support and encourage them in their talents and not to rob them of their freedom. That’s the wrong way.

Interviewer: Thank you.